keep-it-copacetic:

andisen:

moraniarty:

crazyincongregations:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

for the puns

for the everything

This would make me get out of bed more than most things make me get out of bed.

^^^^

(Source: secretsbest, via wishopeace)